Fractured Conversation
by Kienova
Summary: She tries to leave. Tries to end the conversation with a rushed "excuse me" before fleeing the lab. They've spent enough time in ten years not talking. He won't let her end the conversation before it's even really began. Not again. (Takes place during 2x06 A Fractured House).


"No, no. No. Um, no. It's um it's important, because I the - Can you stop, uh stop looking at me?" The words rushed out of him before he could stop them, an itch beneath his skin at the scrutiny in which she was regarding him.

"Oh, I can't even look at you now." Her response was filled with angst and intolerance, her eyes seeking out the ceiling as she took a step back. He could hear the exasperation in her voice and it irked him.

"No, not like that, you can't." He spat, feeling what little control he had over his emotions quickly slipping away.

"Like what? I'm- I'm trying not to treat you any differently than-" she started.

"I know, but I am different. And I and I'm- I'm trying not to be, but I am. And if for some reason you can't accept it."

"Oh, that's not fair, Fitz, I'm only trying to help."

"You left!" The words exploded out of him, his temper reaching boiling point quicker than he thought it would. She had always been one to provoke his emotions to their full extent. "I needed help. I needed help with the cloaking. I needed help with, um, with lots of other things, and someone to talk through, at least. You gave up on me."

"I did no such thing." She tried to defend herself, already seeing how he was gearing up to yell some more.

"You told me you were gonna go see your mum and your dad, and then you went off to for all I - for all I know, you could something could've - you could've been killed. And because what? Because you think I'm useless?" He didn't bother controlling himself then, needing her to hear the words that had been running through his head since the moment she had left the base months before, when he was still struggling to find the simplest of words and unable to do much beyond dress and feed himself. The first week she had been gone, he had accepted it. Figured she just needed time with her family. But when one week stretched into two, and then suddenly a month had passed, he had been consumed with rage, betrayal, and a sense of worthlessness. When no one seemed to be able to tell him where she was he had become nearly sick with worry before the self-deprecating rage filled him once more and his hallucinations began.

"Of course I don't. That's not why I left." She tried to convey the words with conviction but at the look he gave her, she realised she failed. Miserably.

"Well, then, why?" She had been waiting for him to pose that question since she got back. Had been anticipating it every time they were so much as within twenty feet of one another. But she had managed to avoid it, at least for a few days. Her own heart hammered beneath her ribs, her palms suddenly sweating as emotion raged within her.

"Fitz..." she started, feeling herself becoming light headed at the prospect of having to confess everything. She wasn't ready. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. Excuse me." She slipped out of the lab as quickly as she could manage then without breaking into an all out run, her vision spotty in the corners as she tried to suck in enough oxygen. She didn't need to see the look on Mack's face as she slipped past him with a rushed apology to know that he was angry at her. She was angry enough at herself and everything that was happening and everything she had done.

"Turbo –" Mack started, watching the complex emotions play out across Fitz's face, the younger man's expression going from one of resignation to profound anger in a matter of seconds.

"Fuck this," Fitz spat, shoving away from the table and hastily chasing after Jemma. He saw her round the corner at the end of the hall as he cleared the doorway, his pace increasing as he followed her. By the time he caught up a few moments later his blood was pounding in his ears. For her part, Jemma was completely wrapped up in her own thoughts and her attempt to keep her breathing regular until she could be out of the public eye; desperate to get back to her bunk and to close herself off in the darkness of the room where she could let everything out. She clenched her eyes shut as she stumbled forward, being jerked backwards when Fitz closed his hand around her elbow, stopping her retreat. "You don't get to run away from... from this, Jemma!" he yelled.

As he spun her around to face him he took in the panic in her gaze and the way her breathing was ragged, sweat dotting along her hairline and collarbones. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him, her knees threatening to give out. He wanted to continue screaming. He wanted to grab her shoulders and demand that she explain exactly why she left. Why she couldn't accept him as he was. Why their friendship evidently mattered so little to her. But he stopped at the look on her face. She looked terrified.

"Jemma-" he started.

"I can't breathe," she gasped then, legs giving out beneath her. Despite his delayed reflexes he managed to catch her before she hit the ground, pulling her tight to his chest as he lowered them both to the concrete beneath their feet. She couldn't catch her breath, hyperventilating as she felt Fitz lean her against his chest, bracketed by his thighs as he moved to sit behind her, forcing her to lean forward until her head was between her knees, tears stinging at her eyes. Fitz awkwardly rubbed her back, tracing circles across the silky material of her blouse, trying to keep his hand from cramping.

"S-slow, deep breaths Jemma," he murmured, anger slipping away only to be replaced by concern when the air she was struggling to take in became laced with sobs, her entire body shaking. The part of him that felt scorned and angry was tempted to leave her to struggle alone. The part of him that was still head over heels in love with her fought against that urge, reigning supreme when, after what seemed like a lifetime, her sobs remained but her breathing pattern evened out. "That's it," he whispered, words puffing out against her ear. She squirmed around, limbs heavy with exhaustion, until she could turn, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest.

"I'm sorry Fitz. I'm so sorry," she cried.

"Jemma –"

"I was scared," she blurted, lifting her head to look at him as she spoke, tears streaming down her face. He flinched slightly, flashes of her crying in the med pod whipping through his brain. He remembered the way her breath had hitched, a sob catching in her throat as she hugged him, peppering kisses across his face before begging him not to do what he intended. Begged him to not leave her. To see her so distraught again pulled at his heartstrings.

"Jem-"

"You told me you... you love me and... and then you _died,_ " Jemma whimpered, shaking fingers trying to brush the tears from her cheeks for a moment before she gave up, dropping her hands to his stomach. "For two minutes you... you were... your heart... and then you were in a coma and I... it was the hardest nine days of my life, Fitz. And then... I wanted you to... to get better because I – I could see how much you hated not being able to think like you used to. To speak. To be who you are. And I... I was hindering you. And you were angry and I was scared and I just..." the words were hiccupped and broken, Jemma's gaze dropping to where her hands were playing with the buttons on his shirt, fingers shaking. "I... I failed you. You gave you-your last breath for... for me and I couldn't... I didn't... I left because I was so scared that I was hurting you. That I... that the way I was trying to push you to recover was... was too much. It... it broke my heart to see you fighting so hard and to realise I was trying to... to do so much for you that... that maybe you couldn't learn how to do things for yourself again. And to know... to know it was my fault. That I... I did that to you. I just... I wanted you to be okay."

Jemma glanced up at him, red rimmed eyes pleading with him to understand. Fitz cocked his head to the side, a sigh escaping him as he lowered his forehead, pressing it against hers.

"All I w-wanted was you," Fitz confessed. "To... to be here. That's... that's why I, um, did that. Gave you the, uh, oxygen. I wanted to... for you to be here. Even if I wasn't." Another sob slipped out of Jemma at the admission, her eyes clenching shut as she leaned forward, rubbing her nose against his.

"I wanted to stay," she wept, hands finding their way up to his neck. "I wanted you to stay with me, too. I- I love you."

Fitz pulled back from her slightly, one hand sliding into her hair, his eyes wide as they searched her face. She blinked at him, lip caught between her teeth and tears tracking silently down her cheeks. Despite the anger he had felt so strongly less than an hour before, he was consumed by affection and care for the woman in his arms, unable to quiet the voice in his head that reminded him that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, and that she would have his heart no matter what.

"Jemma," he breathed, unable to restrain himself as he pulled her face towards his own, pressing his lips to hers gently. "I love you." The words were interspersed with soft kisses, his bad hand, the one that struggled to remain steady, clinging to the small of her back, holding her against him as she tried to diminish the last few inches of space between them. When they broke apart she buried her face in his neck, sighing into his skin and painting it with her warm breath. "Promise – promise me you won't, uh, leave again."

"I promise," Jemma replied, pressing a kiss to his Adam's apple. Her body felt heavy and exhausted, content to just remain curled up with Fitz even though she knew they needed to get up. Someone was bound to come down the corridor soon, to find the two of them on the floor. "We... we should probably move," she sighed regretfully. Fitz made a noncommittal noise in reply, nudging her with his arm until she staggered to her feet, allowing him to follow her.

"C-come lie down with – with me," he mumbled, taking her hand in his. Jemma looked at him, eyes wide. "Not-not like that. Not... not yet. I just... I want t-to remember that this is... uh, real." Heart aching Jemma stood on her toes, pecking his lips with a soft kiss.

"Okay," she replied, allowing him to lead her down the hallway to his bunk, ushering her inside. She toed off her shoes as Fitz left his cardigan on the desk chair, allowing Jemma to crawl onto the bed first, curling herself into a ball beneath the blankets. They hadn't shared a bed since the Academy, and that had always been unintentional, but she was consumed by nothing but contentment as she felt Fitz lay down behind her, his arm coming around her waist, his lips pressing against the back of her neck. He basked in the feeling of her slight form against his, their bodies aligning perfectly. Breathing in the scent of her hair he felt his heart pound, the love he had for her consuming him.

"Promise me that you'll-"

"- be here when you wake up. Yes. I promise. I'll be here every time you wake up from now on. If... if that's what you want."

"It's all I've ever wanted, Jem."


End file.
